Here's to round two of blogging

I watch Sammy, the four-year-old I live, spin around in circles in front of me with his hands raised toward the ceiling. I say to him, "sammy, you are such a beautiful dancer."
"I am going to be a ballerina when I grow up...and a paleontologist..."

I am almost positive the comment about being a ballerina came from his fascination with the tights and leggings I often wear. He loves to feel them and asks if he can wear them. I didn't want to suffer the wrath of his parents so I had to think of something quick to say that would satisfy, and be honest....so I told him, "society does not accept men wearing tights...people only think it is okay for ballet dancers..."

My life continues to be transformed by this little boy, his two-year-old sister, and the other seven people I live with.

I just had the opportunity to speak to a Philosophy class at the College I go to....the world is moving, in the best way possible.

How to say it?

I do not really know what that feeling is.

That feeling I get when I choose to stay at my brother's house instead of go with my nephew and mother to my sister's. The feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me afraid and sad; thinking that if they came back through the door then I would somehow find a way to show them I really love them. Make them feel it. And know it.

I know they do know I love them. But inside I want to fix everthing and be able to attatch myself to them forever; and them to joy, which is so hard to come by in this life.

This is the first time my family has all been together in the same room for about three years. Just recently I was tryng to scrap together a book of photographs from our childhood. Those are the only pictures that really exist in depth. My mom eventually just got too tired I think.
We sat and talked, and fought and ignored and watched television.
If I smoked I would have had an excuse to leave; and an expensive way to cope...


I wish they would come back through that door. I wish our conversations and glances were full of depth.

If they read this, this wouldn't even make any sense to them.

....day one almost finished.

My passion or my escape?

One United Nations Children Fund (UICEF) report noted that the "survival strategy" of child-headed households was "eating less."

Every 14 seconds and child is orphaned by AIDS in Africa; the total number of orphanged children on thew continent is estimated to reach 40 million by 2010.

What are we to do with this?

"Arise, cry aloud in the night At the beginning of the night watches; Pour out your heart like water Before the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to Him For the life of your little ones Who are faint because of hunger At the head of every street." Lamentations 2:19